my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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