And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
