Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
