I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
