I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
