I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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