I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
