4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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