You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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