I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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