shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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