Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
