We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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