I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
