I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
