carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
