after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
