So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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