No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
