I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
