I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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