Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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