Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
