You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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