dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize