Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
