dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
