It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
