Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
