I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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