the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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