I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
