she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
