I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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