PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
