I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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