I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
