He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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