so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
