Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
