Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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