Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
