Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
