shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
