My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
