Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
