i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everclear isn't food dammit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
