Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
