are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
