i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
