you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
