I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
vagina is talking i cant
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
