You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
