Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
