ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
