I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
