Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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