she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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