Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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