This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
