i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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