If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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