We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
