You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
