im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
