he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize