You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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