See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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