I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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