guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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