maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
