Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I believe in your delicious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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